Yakuza Boss Weighs In On US Gun Control

Kenta Tanaka, the head of notorious yakuza crime syndicate Tamakuchi-gumi, has voiced his incredulity at America’s continued failure to control gun laws.

“I am frankly baffled at how Americans go about their daily lives with the constant fear that strangers, their neighbours, or even their own children may blow their heads off at any moment,” Tanaka said.

By his own admission Tanaka has lived a life of violence and crime since a young age. He was involved in the gangland violence in the 1980s and his numerous scars are testament to the moments in his life that have been ‘kill or be killed’. However he claims they pale into insignificance compared to the fear of living in an American suburb.

“There was one time when I was cornered in a warehouse on the outskirts of Nagoya,” he recalled. “We had been imposing on the turf of a rival family and they had come down heavily on us. They had tracked three of us down and there were fifty men outside with all sorts of weapons. I admit that I was scared for my life, but surely that is nothing compared to the fear of every American who goes into a movie theatre, high school or gay club.

“I’m the first to admit that I am an incredibly dangerous man who could be murdered at any time,” he added. “But living in America? Fuck that. That’s terrifying!”

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