Marriage can be challenging at the best of times. Adding the stress and strain of living abroad or being a mixed couple can bring issues to the surface which can become very challenging.
I’m sure everyone has heard that communication is the key to a happy marriage, but what do you do when every time you try to communicate a fight ensues? First of all, it is helpful to keep in mind that when you are fighting about everything, it usually means that you are talking about nothing. This is important to realize because in each fight there are most likely clues as to what it is your partner needs to talk about. These clues usually come by way of off-topic comments.
Off-topic comments during an argument indicate what the fight is truly about. For example, if your partner blows up about the postal service in Japan and then suddenly jumps into a rant about lack of support; the issue is that they are not feeling supported.
The lack of feeling supported is very common and most people struggle to articulate what it is they need from their partner to feel supported. If your partner is not feeling supported, you can:
• Start by sharing that you want to support them but don’t know what they need.
• Do your best to listen without feeling defensive.
• Know that they are struggling.
• Do not offer solutions or tell your partner how they feel; listen to them and try to give them what they need.
• Ask for examples of times when they have felt supported or that you were meeting their needs and try to recreate the example.
With patience and understanding, a lot of issues can be resolved. Sadly, not every issue can be resolved this way, and sometimes the fighting can take too large a toll on the relationship and mediation is needed for communication.
There is no shame in needing a mediator to aid your communication, because facilitated communication brings back balance and fairness. Mediation ensures that each party is seen, heard, and validated. With mediation and facilitation, there is no bad guy. So often in relationships, partners can lose sight of each other and how they became a couple in the first place. Facilitated communication can help you remember what it is about your partner that first drew you to them. Mediation can help you understand what the relationship has to offer you and the benefits of staying together. It can help you heal and move on from hurt and angry feelings. The process can help you rediscover you happiness.
One of our focuses at Adjustment Guidance is helping couples find each other and their happiness. I am a caring and devoted psychologist with over 20 years’ experience facilitating communication and helping couples get back to being happy. You don’t have to do this alone. Our team will work with you and your partner to achieve the life you deserve and happiness you crave. You can have a happy and peaceful relationship. You can be a happy couple in a thriving partnership. Why wait? Book your free consultation today and take the step to begin living the life you deserve.
Free childcare is available upon request for children 14 months and above.