While male foreigners have long claimed that their continued residence in Japan is down to a love for Japanese culture and sushi, the recent decline in women wanting to bed them due to belatedly seeing them for the losers that they really are, has seen them flocking to airports.
“My friends and I have dated dozens of gaijin in the past, drawn to their blue eyes and the fact that it would really piss off our fathers,” said Nagoyan office worker Madoka Yamaguchi, 25. “Then one day we noticed that they were actually the sort of unattractive weirdoes that we would never ordinarily touch had they been Japanese. The spell was broken.”
Grant Gordon, 27 from Essex, was disconsolate.
“I’m disconsolate. I was bedding a different beautiful woman every week, but for some reason they have suddenly realised that I am actually a hideously ugly loser with personal hygiene issues. I may as well go back to the UK. I’m not going to get laid there either, what with me being physically repellent and all, but what am I gonna stay here for? The shrines? The weather? Natto? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.”