So, tired of my sedentary lifestyle and the grotesque paunch that it breeds, I have decided to try to get into shape. Fortunately, as I live in Freebell Mansions, there is a gym I can use at my leisure and, disgustingly sweaty, I can then pop next door to the Freebell Deli where I can pick up something fresh and healthy for dinner. However, willpower is not my strongest attribute and this week my self-restraint was tested and shattered by the Freebell Deli burger night.
“Beef or Chicken, Mark?”
“Go on then.”
“I shouldn’t… but why not!”
Four minutes and a mere ¥698 later I found myself at my kitchen table (Freebell Deli is takeout only) ripping apart the wrapping to discover a burger of prodigious proportions. Pushing all thoughts of fitness-guilt to one side I bit into it and BOOM! all waistline worries were condemned to oblivion. The patty was succulent, as beefy as taking a firm bite of a prize-winning heifer, and the salsa so laced with coriander that I moaned with the unbridled ecstasy of a teenage boy on his first trip to a knocking shop.
“Where did you get that from?” My gasps of delight had drawn my otherwise reclusive flatmate from his room and he stood agog at the burger in my hands.
“The deli downstairs,” I mumbled through a mouthful of 100% beef.
There was soon a flatmate-shaped hole in my kitchen and the sound of the door closing behind him. He returned minutes later with a chicken burger, again homemade, again as juicy as a champion twerker’s buttocks.
My stomach bulged, my hunger sated, but my greed, as I jealously eyed his dinner, multiplied exponentially. I checked the time. 8:50pm. I dashed to the lift in time to order another before they closed.
I maintain that my body is still a temple. It just happens to be one at which many cows are slaughtered. – Mark Guthrie
Meat: Cooked to preference, juicy as fuck!
Bun: Griddled white bread bun.
Epic Win: As a takeaway, there is no one to look at you with disgust as you ravenously cram this gorgeous burger down your grateful gullet.
The Freebell Deli
Mansions Freebell Room #201
Open: 11:00~13:30, 17:00~21:00 Mon, Wed, Fri
Tel: (052) 571-5055