The Daily NAG: Ojisan with headphones doesn’t realise that everyone knows he farted

A middle-aged Japanese man today broke wind while on the subway, but as he was wearing headphones, he believed that no one noticed.

“I went to an izakaya last night and had followed a large amount of karaage, kushi katsu and garlic chaahan with six jockeys of beer and eight highballs, and this morning my guts were giving me all sorts of bother,” said Kenta Tanaka, 58 from Meito-ku.

“I was on the subway on my way to work, listening to Miyako Harumi on my phone, when I farted. Fortunately it was a silent one, so I don’t think anyone noticed.”

However, Tanaka’s release was not as disguised as he believed it to be.

“I was taking my daughter to pre-school on the subway, and we were stood next to an ojisan,” said Mai Nishida, a mother of two from Chikusa-ku. “He reeked of fried food and alcohol, but that’s pretty standard for a lot of these older guys. But then he let rip with a fart that was so loud and noxious that it woke up my infant son and made my daughter cry. It was horrible.”

Kana Nagata, an office lady on the subway, also witnessed the guff.

“I heard a sound and my first thought was ‘is there a bear on the train?’ Then I smelled something, and I thought ‘yes, there is definitely a bear on the train.’ But then I noticed the ojisan with headphones smiling to himself, and I realised what it was. It was awful. An old lady standing next to me fainted.”

Another eyewitness to the toxic event was Jason Timms, a translator who works in the Meieki area.

“I get this subway every day, and the same ojisan always stinks the place out with his farts and terrible body odour. I usually try to stand as far away as possible, but this time I was stuck next to him. It was awful and smelled so bad that I was a little bit sick in my mouth and had to swallow it. I’m definitely getting the earlier train tomorrow.”

But Tanaka seemed oblivious to the discomfort he had caused.

“At first I was worried, but I’m pretty sure I got away with it. And even if it did smell, think everyone would have presumed it was the gaijin near me. Everyone knows that gaijin stink. His breath was horrible, it smelled like vomit.”

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