Simon Poulter, 23, came to Japan two weeks ago to work at ABC Eikaiwa, and today was disappointed by the lack of reaction he received from his new friends after singing a Japanese song on a night out at karaoke.
“I was over the moon when our team leader suggested that we go to karaoke after work, as I knew that this was my chance to impress my new friends with not only my Japanese ability, but also my knowledge of the local culture.”
Not wanting to seem too eager to impress, Poulter bided his time and joined in with a few of the songs before casually making his choice: ‘We Are’, the theme tune to the anime One Piece.
“I’ll be honest, I was feeling pretty confident as I waited for my song, as everyone else just chose standard karaoke classics: Queen, The Beatles, Sir Mixalot. I knew that I was going to blow their minds,” Poulter said.
However, he was dismayed to note that as he sang, the others, rather than being amazed his language ability, began talking amongst themselves, playing on their phones or taking the opportunity to get drinks.
“I absolutely killed the tune, but no one batted an eyelid, no one congratulated me on my Japanese skills, and nobody recognised how cool I was for knowing such an awesome song. I’m sorry to say it, but I think that my co-workers may be a bunch of losers.”
“I had thought that Simon seemed nice, if a bit wet behind the ears,” said Poulter’s co-worker Simone Welles. “But when he started singing in Japanese, with a look on his face like he was the coolest kid in the world, I’ll be honest, I cringed for him.”
ABC Eikaiwa team leader Peter Hunterson, 38, was even more damning of Poulter’s performance. “I had figured that Simon was a bit of an otaku when I hired him, but he seemed genki enough, so I gave him a go. However, when he started singing a shitty Japanese song that even my 12-year-old son has outgrown, I felt sorry for him. But the way he acted afterwards, I realised that we have an absolute tool on our hands.
“Any gaijin trying to impress with Japanese songs at karaoke immediately goes down in my estimation.”
Despite his disappointment, Poulter is already preparing for the next time they go out.
“I’ve been practicing a couple of songs from Naruto, that will really impress them,” he said.
But he may not have the opportunity, according to Hunterson. “We’ll never invite him out again. What a dick.”