The cessation of winter causes gaijin to forget that summer is coming.

Ex-pats all over the country have been fooled by the end of the winter into forgetting just how bad the summer will be.

With sunnier days arriving and temperatures climbing into the high teens, gaijin are unplugging their electric heaters and putting away winter clothes with glee, but have forgotten that the humid summer is just around the corner.

“I’m so glad that winter is over,” said Welshman Jason Timms. “Japanese winter is just so harsh, because there is no central heating like at home. But now there is nothing to worry about until next December.”

Another gaijin happy that winter is over is American Emma Ganderton. “Summer is definitely my favourite season, and I’m looking forward to spending balmy evenings sat outside sipping chilled chardonnay. I can’t wait.”

“Japanese winters are horrible, but they have gone now, and I just love summer, said Arnold Francis from New Zealand. “Lazy days on the beach, evenings walking around the park, and then nights with the windows open making love to my beautiful wife as the warm air caresses our naked bodies and the cicadas chirrup in the background. Bliss”

Francis’ wife, Madoka, had different ideas, however. “If he thinks anything of the sort is happening, he’s crazy. As soon as the thermometer rises above 26 degrees I don’t come out from my aircon cocoon of coolness.

“And if he thinks we will be having sex in that humidity,” she added, “he’s in for a big surprise!”

“Yup,” continued Francis, seemingly not listening to his wife or the realities that she represents. “Summer times, lazy days. I can’t wait!”

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