Teacher Explodes Due to Clement Weather

The explosion of Suzuki Yuki, a 28 year-old high school teacher from Kita-ku, has been attributed to today’s mild weather

“It was terrifying,” said Jay Drew, an Assistant Language Teacher and Suzuki’s colleague at Meigaoka Nishi High School. “She walked up to me and tried to say something, but then this worried look crossed her face, her whole body started to shake and then she exploded. I was covered in it!”

Police arrived on the scene and later confirmed that the mild weather was to blame.
“It seems that every day Ms Suzuki, who was unable to speak English, would attempt to converse with the gaijin,” explained a police spokesman. “For the past 18 months this conversation has amounted to nothing more than ‘samui ne?’ or ‘atsui ne?’ However, when faced with a day that was neither cold nor hot, she preferred to combust rather than appear rude and pass her colleague with no more than a polite nod.”

The coroner recorded a death resulting from social shame. It is the third such death in Nagoya this year.

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