Tanuki Set To Appeal Against Public Drunkenness And Nudity Conviction

tanuki2Well-known racoon dog Tanuki has vowed to appeal against his conviction for public drunkenness and indecent exposure after a jury found him guilty of all counts.

The mythical creature, 1304, has a cult following in Japan and is seen as a lovable rogue. His past drunken antics, including vomiting over Kyary Pamyu Pamyu on a popular chat show, and shape shifting to make mortals appear foolish, have seen him gain a legion of predominantly female fans, but his recent antics have seen him fall foul of the law.

Witnesses told the court that Tanuki was ejected from popular Sakae bar Hub Pub for drinking from his own tankard and making lewd and suggestive comments towards the female bar staff. Further witnesses reported that Tanuki, of Nara prefecture, then stripped naked in the street and slapped his immense testicles on passers by.

Tanuki, speaking outside the courtroom, bailed until his appeal hearing, spoke to gathered reporters.

“There is a simple explanation for these events. I suffer from a rare condition that requires me to drink vast quantities of an alcoholic medicine at all times. One of the side affects of the medicine is that my testicles swell to one third of my body weight, and when this happens it is important that I remove my trousers and swing my balls vigorously.

“I believe this conviction to be politically motivated,” he continued, “as a result of my outspoken criticism of the Abe government, as well as the fact that the judge is extremely jealous of the size of my nuts. I will take this to the highest court in the land,” he added before swigging from his bottle, passing out and soiling himself.

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