No more English teachers in Nagoya, survey shows.

A study of gaijin in Nagoya has shown that there are no longer any teachers working in the city, a situation that has surprised the Aichi-ken Board of Education.

“As far as I am aware there are ALT’s in every school in the prefecture,” said Kenta Tanaka, a spokesman for the BoE. “We have noticed no decrease of staffing levels, and if anything there are more teachers in the area than ever before.

However the study, conducted by Professor Taishi Fujita, Head of Gaijin Studies at University of Nagoya, shows that the gaijin population is almost entirely made up with people who claim to work in the arts and entertainment industries.

“No, I’m definitely not a teacher,” said Harry Stevenson, 27 from the UK, who participated in the study. “No, I am a freelance journalist and blogger, and am currently working on my debut novel, a sci-fi Western set simultaneously 500 years into the future and 150 years into the past. Unfortunately those jobs don’t exactly pay the bills, so I have to take up full time employment as an ALT, but that’s not really who I am.”

Malorie Conway has lived in Nagoya for three years and is a performance artist as well as a part time You-Tuber, and has graced the stages of some of Nagoya’s biggest gaijin bars. “Of course I spend my days in an Eikaiwa, but that’s just until I get discovered for my art. Until then teaching just pays the rent.”

“No, I’m not a teacher,” said Peter Hunterson from Scotland. “I’m actually a model and have appeared in magazine and TV commercials for both ECC and Aeon.”

When Daily Nag put it to Hunterson that the reason he appeared in those commercials could be that he worked for the Eikaiwas as a teacher he responded with hostility. “Me? A teacher? Get to fuck! I’m going to be a major talent on Japanese TV!

“Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m late for a private lesson.”

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