By Mark Guthrie
The city of Nagoya is currently undergoing a de-clutter procedure by Marie Kondo, starting with the destruction of Central Park, much to the confusion of local residents.
Kondo, known as ‘Konmari’ in Japan and as ‘that woman on Netflix who talks to inanimate objects’ everywhere else, has been recruited by the Nagoya City Council to clear up the city and leave it with nothing but things that ‘spark joy’ in the hearts of Nagoyans.
“When it comes to cities, nothing creates more clutter than trees,” said the ‘organization expert’, who somehow manages to call herself that whilst keeping a straight face. “Leaves fall in the autumn dirtying the streets, birds sit in them to defecate, and branches can drop off. Who can honestly say that they have looked at a tree and felt pure joy?” continued the woman whose job it is to convince people to get rid of family photo albums and old love letters.
However, the move has puzzled locals, who can see no good reason for willfully destroying the only nice part of Sakae.
“I love walking through Central Park on my lunchtime,” said graphic designer Mai Nishida.
“It’s the best spot to get away from the hectic city atmosphere, see some greenery and commune with nature.
“I was shocked when I saw that the Park had been ravaged. I heard rumors that a ‘monster mother’ had complained when a branch fell and hit her child. A friend of mine suggested that the council were using the wood to save money on the reconstruction of the castle,” added Nishida.
“I had even heard that it was because the council had erroneously decided that the park had too many trees*. But now I’ve heard about Marie Kondo’s involvement, which at least makes a little bit more sense. Because surely no one ever thought to themselves ‘do you know what this city centre park needs? Less trees’.”
[*Yes, if you hadn’t already figured it out, that is exactly the hair-brained reasoning behind hacking down half of the park. Baffling, eh? – Daily Nag Ed.]