Nagoya Immigration Clerks All ‘Gaijin Hunters’

For the majority of Nagoya’s expat community the trip to the Immigration centre is an expedition that is both time consuming and wearisome. Many foreigners who live and work in the city find themselves making the journey on an annual basis, and they have long questioned the necessity of it.

“Going to the immigration office is the least fun two hours that can be spent in the company of Filipina sex workers,” said Simon Poulter who was returning for the seventh time in five years.

Poulter was not the only expat The Daily Nag spoke to who disliked the system, with others echoing his sentiments.

“I’d much rather stuff my balls up my arse,” said Peter Hunterson, who was gazing forlornly between the number 486 on his ticket and the number 14 on the LED board, “and pull them out of my mouth with a pair of razor edged forceps than spend another minute here.”

“I’m sure that the staff are all just a bunch of officious bastards who get their sexual kicks from making us jump through these stupid hoops,” grumbled Jason Timms, having been told that he had submitted the incorrect paperwork for the seventh time and would have to return again the next day. “Either that or they just want to make more money out of us.”

Timms’ suspicion that many expats are required to reapply for visas on an annual basis so the government can make money from the process is a commonly held one, particularly as visa regulations were changed to allow stays of up to five years.

However, after an investigation by The Daily Nag we can EXCLUSIVELY report that this is not the case. The reason is not money, but that other great motivator: love.

“Since I was a teenager I have had an uncontrollable desire for gaijins,” said immigration clerk Mai Nishida. “I wanted to work here so that I would find a way of meeting them, and now I can, on a daily basis. I love it.

Nishida’s colleague Kana Nagata agrees. “I love foreigners so much. The way they look and their adorable inability to grasp our language despite having lived here for many years. It’s so cute.”

However, for Nagata and Nishida the meetings are all too fleeting and brief, so they dream up ways of bringing the objects of their affections back to them.

“We get to see them so infrequently,” explained Nishida. “So sometimes I tell them that they have completed the wrong paperwork so they have to come back, and I can flirt with them some more.”

“If I gave them all five year visas, I would be an old maid before I saw someone who I fancied again, so I regularly give them one year visas so they have to keep coming back,” added Nagata.

“And the fact that I get a 20 per cent cut on every visa I sell… I mean, administer, has absolutely nothing to do with it.”

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