Moses’s False Idols: Premier League soccer star Victor Moses discusses his least favorite Japanese idol groups

SKE48: “I originally had high hopes for the Nagoya branch of the 48 franchise, but let’s face it, they are just a poor imitation of the fabulous AKB girls. It’s similar to when Wimbledon FC moved stadiums to Milton Keynes. They may look like the Dons, sound like the Dons, but when it comes down to the feeling, there is a huge disparity. KII group are ok, but the rest are just awful.

SMAP: “I used to love SMAP in their original line up, but they are no longer the same band. They remind me of Barcelona FC. Still knocking out hits, still technically proficient, but the departure of Katsuyuki Mori in 1996, much like Xavi leaving the Barca midfield, has left them lacking in identity.

Babymetal: “With their metal music and devil horn salutes this group are a slight on our father, God high in heaven, and anyone found to be worshiping these false idols should be smote by Our Lord and face all eternity burning in the fiery depths of hell for their sins. Although Ijime, Dme, Zettai is a decent track.”

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