Low Birth Rates Caused By Genital Mosaicking, Study Finds

According to a recent study, Japan’s low birth rate is down to an increasing number of young Japanese developing mosaicked genitals.

In recent years the declining birth rate in Japan has become a hot point of concern as government officials worry that there will be a lack of workers to support the aging population in the years to come. There have been many hypothesis as to the reasons behind this, from women choosing careers over families, to young people living for longer in the parental home, and even the neutering effect of the country’s young men spending all of their time playing videogames and reading comic books.

However Professor Taishi Fujita, Head of Sexy Studies at University of Nagoya, claims that there is a more worrying reason behind the fall in births.

“We have noticed an alarming rise in young people developing what we have called ‘Blurry Bits Syndrome’,” said Professor Fujita. “My colleagues and I have amassed countless hours of footage showing young people performing the physical act of love, and a shockingly high percentage of them seem to have disfigured, blurred genitals.”

Professor Fujita has consulted with hundreds of physicians who are in agreement that those affected by the disease would find it difficult to procreate with what he believes to be an increasingly prevalent deformity.

“My fellow professors and I have spent hours and hours watching DVD after DVD. Many of us took our work home with us, and continued until our di… I mean eyes were red raw, and we all came to the same conclusion: the Japanese young people have lost the ability to conceive due to deformity.”

Unfortunately, according to Fujita, the pixilation of both male and female sex organs is not the only symptom of Blurry Bits Syndrome.

“It effects males and females in different ways. In women it causes them to squeal quite annoyingly during intercourse. However for men the problem is much worse as it causes them to ejaculate on the bodies of their partners – sometimes in groups of around twenty – rather than inside the vaginal passage. It has clearly affected their reproductive instincts.”

While Fujita claims that his theory is completely sound, he will continue his research.

“On a strictly scientific basis I am interested to see how much more of an influence this disease will have on a person’s psyche,” he added. “Lesbians hopefully.”

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