Lost Gaijin Community Discovered

Work has stalled on the new Post Office building in Nagoya’s central district once again as a tribe of lost gaijin have been discovered living underneath.

The building, which is supposedly nearing completion despite having been under construction since what feels like the Meiji period, ground to a halt as builders found a community of foreigners living deep under the foundations.

“We were first alerted to strange goings on when we found a cache of empty Dominos boxes and happoshu cans,” explained project leader Kazu Matsui. “After further inspection we found a group of up to 45 males and two females living in an underground cave. We have had to pause assembly until we can relocate this lost tribe.”

But New Zealander Daniel Knox, 55, leader of the underground group, is refusing to move.

“We have been here for many years, and see no reason why we should leave. Where would we go? Back to our respective nations? What would we do there? Nothing, that’s what,” he said, weeping uncontrollably.

“After years of stagnation in this underground bunker, with no connection to the outside world, forming no bonds other than with each other and gaining little experience that can serve us anywhere other than in this deep dark pit of our own creation, what can we do, please tell me, what can we do?”

Takashi Kawamura, Mayor of Nagoya, has been charged with the relocation of the discovered tribe. “We can just stick them in the British pubs. A group of bitter, estranged souls, eating bad food, drinking themselves to death, lamenting their poor lot in life? They should feel right at home.”

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