After the winding down of Japanese whaling expeditions last month, the scientists in charge of decades of research have released their findings: that whale meat tastes really, really good.
Professor Shimura of Nanda University said: “We have compiled over twenty years of scientific research, and we have discovered that whale meat is really very yummy. This is a fantastic result for the scientific community and a poke in the eye for those who doubted the veracity and validity of our research.”
“I have to say I feel a little bit silly now,” said Skychild McDreadlock, a 49 year old Greenpeace activist in a Global Hypercolor t-shirt. “I have dedicated the last twenty-five years of my life to the Save the Whales cause, but having read the report, it seems I have been completely wrong about the whole thing.
“You can’t argue with scientific fact, so tonight I will be eating whale steak for dinner. Well, at least it’ll make a change from lentils.”
Despite the international pressure on the whaling community to completely ease the hunt, Professor Shimura has vowed to continue his research in 2015.
“These findings are just the beginning,” he explained, wiping a globule of whale fat from his chin. “I am certain that whale meat will taste great with peanut butter, but my colleagues disagree. We need at least a further fifteen years’ study to be certain.”
“We now see that these are important issues,” agreed McDreadlock. “Greenpeace will stand in the way of science no longer.”