Kanji Impenetrable Nonsense, says Ancient Egyptian

Kanji, the Chinese characters that make up one third of the Japanese written language, is impossible to read, according to an ancient Egyptian who has risen from the dead.

Khaemwaset, son of Rameses III, has returned from the afterlife due to a curse placed on his tomb, and he is struggling to get to grips with the world he finds himself in. “There is so much about the modern world that confuses me: iPhones, the combustion engine, Kanye West,” he said. “But nothing is so baffling or strange as kanji.

“I mean, I come from a time when our written language was hieroglyphics, a series of pictures depicting birds, people standing in funny positions, and for some reason, lots of eyes. But that is nothing when compared to the insanity of kanji. That script is just batshit nuts.

“Which, incidentally, written in hieroglyphs is a picture of a bat, a picture of some faeces, a pair of testicles and then, of course, an eye.”

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