Japan’s relationship with China “actually pretty frightening”

A whistleblower with close ties to the Japanese Government has leaked documents proving that high ranking politicians within Prime Minister Abe’s cabinet agree that diplomatic relations with China are “actually pretty frightening.”

Documents seen by The Nag News describe China as “terrifyingly big” with “lots of scary weapons” and an “ability to kick our arses all over the shop”, a stark contrast to Abe’s strong public stance in the face of Chinese pressure.

“It’s a whole lot of posturing. Behind closed doors, everyone is just shitting their pants in terror,” the whistle blower explained. “For ages we presumed that America would back us up, but they owe the Chinese too much money, so they won’t step in to help.

“We were like the new kid at boarding school standing up to the playground bully hoping that our big brother will back us up. Now it seems that our big brother isn’t the hard man we thought he was, and we have come to the realization that, when the dorm lights go out, we’re gonna get bummed.”

In other conflict news today, South Korea are expected to send a delegation to Tokyo to demand that Japan give up the Takeshima islands as well as its lunch money.

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