Japan’s target of attaining 100 per cent homogeneity throughout its society has continued apace thanks to the introduction of a large number colorless soft drinks into the market.
The recent trend for these clear products has led to a number of commentators to hypothesize over the reasons why.
“Obviously it is an extension of the fact that whiteness is the most beautiful, which means that the clearer the drinks are, the more aesthetically pleasing it is,” said beautician Mai Nishida, as she smeared bleaching cream on her face underneath the sun-guard she was wearing to protect her pigmentation from the ambient light of a low voltage lamp.
HANAKEN, a famous YouTuber, because that is a thing now, disagreed. “The colourless drinks are an awesome way to highlight the fact that though we are all different, we are also all the same, and I have even created a beatbox video to illustrate the fact.”
Although, at the time of going to press The Daily Nag has yet to watch HANAKEN’s video (because, well, we aren’t 12 years old), we can exclusively reveal that neither he nor Nishida are correct. In fact, it is a governmental plan to further develop Japan’s homogeneity levels towards the desired 100 per cent.
According to sources close to the project, the Japanese government aims to use the drinks as a signal to the populace that everyone looking alike is the way forward for the country.
“Following the last census details showing that a massive 1.5 per cent of the population were non-Japanese, the government has acted swiftly to remind the populace that being almost identical is the way forward,” the source said.
“Recent years has seen international pressure for us to take in refugees and immigrants, and fortunately we have been able to resist this. But still multi-culturalism is snowballing, and we have had to act firmly. We are certain that these clear drinks will be the thin edge of the wedge to return Japan to a single ethnic state.”
However, if the source’s reaction to the drinks is anything to go by, the government may have to come up with another scheme.
“Do I drink them? Definitely not,” the source said. “I like my cola dark brown. Like my women.”