Janken Replaces Democracy

High ranking Japanese government officials have confirmed that the Janken Bill currently being voted on in the National Diet is likely to be the last to test Japanese democracy, such is its popularity.

“In recent months there has been little bi-partisan cooperation between the parties,” Prime Minister Abe confirmed. “But pretty much everyone agrees that the Janken Bill is by far the best Japanese idea since someone thought of eating sushi off of naked ladies”

Japan has been ruled as a non-constitutional monarchy since 1947. However, in recent years bureaucracy and infighting has caused most governmental decisions to grind to a standstill. The idea is that, in passing the Janken Bill and thus resolving all issues by a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, countless man hours will be saved.

“Whether it be who will pay the bill in a high class restaurant, deciding with which nearby country we will start a war of words, or who has to organise the disposal of a Filipino hostess one of us has killed in a fit of impotent rage during a committee night out in a hostess bar, janken helps us in so many other aspects of governmental life. Why not have it decide our laws?”

It had been expected for the bill to face opposition from pro-democracy rights groups, but this has not in fact been the case.

“What’s the point in arguing?” said Jun Furukawa of human rights group Oh Come On, Be Nice Please. “If they can just go ahead and change something as supposedly watertight as our constitution, they can do whatever the hell they want. Should we bother protesting? The words ‘wind’, ‘pissing’ and ‘in the’ come to mind’.”

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