A gaijin, this month, has been using his daily Domino’s emails as a weather report, rather than getting out of bed.
Simon Poulter, 25 from Idaho, has spent nineteen of the last twenty-four days in bed and has relied on communication from the pizza company to inform him of how things are going outside of his apartment.
“As an ALT I have had the majority of the last month free from working obligations,” said the high school ‘teacher’, based in Nagoya’s Nishi Ward. “As such I have reverted to my natural state of staying up until 5 am playing video games and watching old episodes of South Park, before sleeping all day.
“This isn’t really a problem,” he added, “but my shitty Leo Palace apartment has just one tiny window, and that faces onto the other shitty Leo Palace apartments opposite me, so close in fact that I can see the beads of sweat on the forehead of the pervert who lives across from me as he masturbates to the underwear on the washing line of the girl next door.
“This means that you can kind of lose contact with the outside world. Fortunately, when I wake up I check my emails and depending on the mail I can tell how the weather is doing. If I get a message about a two for one deal, I can presume that it has probably been a sunny day. But if they have sent me a 20% off voucher for a rainy day, then I know that it has been pissing it down, and having spent the day in bed I haven’t missed out on much, and am therefore not wasting my life.
“I mean, of course I’m wasting my life,” he continued. “I’m doing a pointless job that no one respects, for which I’m getting paid fuck all.
“But at least I’m not doing it in the rain. Thanks for letting me know, Domino’s!”