Gaijin relived now his parents have gone home

Nagoya based ex-pat Jason Timms has now breathed a sigh of relief that his parents have gone home after their vacation in Japan, and can now return to his old life of debauchery.

Timms, a New Zealander who works as an ALT at a junior high school in Nagoya’s Chikusa Ward, has had two weeks with his parents shadowing his every move.

“It was fantastic to see them,” he said. “It was their first trip to Japan, and I took them to all of the big sites: Hiroshima, Kyoto, Tokyo, Osaka. We even spent a night in a Ryokan in Gero which, apart from seeing my dad’s cock at an onsen, was amazing. But truly, I loved hanging out with them, and it was an experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

“But thank Christ that they have gone.”

Timms found that during his parents’ stay that his social life was seriously impeded.

“When they first suggested that they come to visit, I was absolutely over the moon,” he continued. “It had been two years since I had seen them, what with me being incapable of saving even the basic airfare to fly home and instead spending all my wages in the pub. However, when they got out here I remembered why I moved so far away from them.”

While Timms could shrug off his father’s occasional dark references to the war, and he could take his mother’s continuous racist comments about the Japanese with a pinch of salt, it was the fact that he had to act like a responsible human being for the entire time they were here, an act that he found difficult to maintain.

“My folks were here to see the beauty of Japan in spring. They wanted to visit the old cities and see the cherry blossom blowing on the wind. But the only Sakura that I wanted to see was the dirty girl who kept hitting me up on Tinder and sending me filthy photos.

“However, if I suggested for even a moment that I leave them un-chaperoned for the evening a look of panic crossed my mother’s face, and she demanded that I not leave them alone with ‘these people’ for even a moment.”

Now his parents have gone home, Timms is utterly relieved that he can return to his previous life.

“Since the day they left I have spent every evening trawling the gaijin bars for girls, getting shitfaced and hooking up with anything in sight,” he added.

“It was great to see them, it really was. But I hope that they don’t come back too soon. Unless I get married, which would mean my life here is over anyway.”

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