A gaijin this week has had to feign utter horror as his female friend relayed to him the many ways in which her husband has been unfaithful.
Peter Hunterson, 43 from Newcastle, Australia, had agreed to go for a drink with his ex-colleague Kana Nagata as he had been aware that she was going through a few marital issues and required a shoulder to cry on, but he had not prepared himself for the sheer impressiveness of her husband’s infidelity.
“I have known Kana-chan for twenty years or so, since we worked together at an Eikaiwa, and have been firm friends ever since,” said Hunterson who currently resides in Showa-ku. “I have met her husband Kenta on a few occasions and always considered him a bit of a smarmy prick, so when Kana called me in tears I kind of guessed what was going on.”
Hunterson met Nagata at the Sakae branch of The Hub Pub prepared to console his friend, but as she began to go into detail of her husband’s indiscretions he couldn’t help but find himself becoming impressed.
“At first I was of course disgusted, as any good friend would be, but the list just kept getting longer and longer,” he explained. “There were colleagues, there were hook-ups on Tinder, there was even the teenage daughter of their next door neighbour.
“I tried to keep a concerned look on my face, nodding in agreement with her admonishments of her husband, but when she started talking of gym instructors and threesomes with hostesses, deep inside I was wondering how on earth the man did it, and would it be wrong of me to ask him for tips?”
Married for 16 years with two children, Hunterson has been faithful in all of that time, never once even considering cheating on his wife. But as his friend went on to list time after time in which her own husband had slept with other women he couldn’t help but imagine the writhing naked bodies and the aroma of bodily fluids.
“As one of my closest friends was pouring her heart out to me, I found myself locked in a fantasy world dreaming of beautiful women and I found myself suddenly in awe of Kenta, which I realise is exactly the opposite emotion I was supposed to be feeling.”
He was snapped out of that world when Nagata complained that she was tired of the Japanese notion that adultery was something acceptable, and that she wished that she had instead gone for a kind gaijin like him.
“In that moment I saw an opportunity to live out the fantasy of adultery, but before I suggested we popped to a nearby love hotel together, she quashed these thoughts by stating that foreigners, being gentlemen, aren’t like Japanese men and therefore don’t cheat, which caused quite some amusement to the various tables of middle-aged men around us, busy trying to chat up girls barely half their age.”