Freebell Residents Vote To Exit Nagoya

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Vote Finishes 52% to 48% In Favour of Freebexit 

The primarily gaijin residents of the Freebell apartments have voted to leave Nagoya and are to set up their own independent state following an historic referendum today.

The vote finished 52% to 48% in favour of Freebexit who have been campaigning primarily on a platform of fear and racism.

“This is a wonderful day for democracy,” said head of the Frebexit camp Doris Johnstone, flanked by referendum strategist Nigel Garage, at a press conference in the Hub Pub. “The great Freebellish people have spoken, and now we can take steps to extricate ourselves from the bureaucrats of Nagoya.”

While the Frebexiters were celebrating, the leaders of the Fremain camp were counting the cost of complacency in their ranks, poor leadership, and being the ones to come up with the bloody stupid idea for a referendum in the first place.

“I am of course devastated that my fellow residents have voted to leave Nagoya,” said Cameron Davids, figurehead of the Fremainers. “But I disagree that I am at any fault for the predicament that we find ourselves in. Admittedly I sparked this referendum by pandering to a few bigots and then I complacently let it spiral out of control. And of course I should have known that the Freebellish public are too pig ignorant to be trusted with big decisions like these, which is why I am stepping down as leader of the Freebell Residents Association.”

“I think it is right that Davids stepped aside,” argued Johnstone. “It is time to let someone else take the reigns. But whoever is now in charge, I’m not saying it should be me, that’s for others to say, although I would do a great job, of course.

“The important thing is that no more will we have to put up with the tyrannical Nagoyan laws, most of which I have totally made up in order to stoke up fear, such as the requirement to eat miso katsu three times a week. Also we can save ¥35,000 a week not having to pay city tax, which I initially said was going to be put into making a nice new common area, but will now probably disappear into a black hole.”

“Yes,” added Garage, “but we can start by kicking out all the fucking Japs first, can’t we?” at which the Freebexit supporters began grunting with glee, goose-stepping around the bar and cutting their own noses off to spite their ugly faces.

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