Daily Nag Editorial by Mark Guthrie

In the recent weeks there has been much talk in the media about ‘fake news’. With good reason. There are many news outlets, much less reputable than ours, peddling so-called news with little if no basis in fact, and I would like to take this opportunity to categorically state that everything we write in our esteemed periodical is nothing but the God’s honest truth.

We at the Daily Nag believe that journalism, a sanctified profession, under threat, should be treated with integrity, which is why within our pages you will never see a story that is based in fiction, or even half truth.

And yet, shockingly we have faced criticism from other outlets claiming that our newspaper has been guilty of distributing ‘fake news’, but I would like to vehemently and categorically deny this, and in doing so defend our journalism and our honour. Our stories about Nagoya being the cultural capital the world, Japanese TV being both entertaining and educational, and that most gaijin males are actually handsome blokes who are in no way losers back in their own countries were all completely true, and we have the evidence to back them up.

Yet we are under a continued and sustained pressure to release this evidence. However, as editor of this rag, ahem, I mean, esteemed newspaper, it is not up to us to prove our claims, but for our detractors, these ‘experts’, to provide evidence to the contrary.

And even if they do so, who are you going to believe? The bastion of truth that brought you such scoops as ‘Penguin Poised to Take Role of Japanese Emperor’, ‘Low Birth Rates Caused by Genital Mosaicing’ and ‘Funassyi Admitted to Rehab’? Or these so-called experts?

Exactly! Because when it comes to the Daily Nag there are four inalienable truths. That we are a 100% accurate newspaper: FACT! Our journalism is, alongside The Daily Mail, the most credible in the world: FACT! And our readership are most certainly not gullible fools who require headlines stamped with the word ‘satire’ across them in big red letters: FACT!

And don’t let a minor detail like us living in a post-fact world concern you in any way at all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *