Ask Kazuhide – September, 2012

Dear Kazuhide,
When I am on the subway, and someone at the end on the bench seats gets up to leave, the next person ALWAYS shifts down so they can be the person at the end of the seats. Why is this? Do they not want to be next to other people, or is the end of the bench seat some kind of prized “pole position”?
– Shane

Dear Shane,
Maybe cold, hard of the metal remind them the cold, unsympathy embrace of meaningless life in modern Japan? Why do you think so many suicide near to the train? Metal is void position of the existingism.

Dear Kazuhide,
How come Japanese girls always have a different schedule than eikaiwa teachers who want to take them out for a night? If they had matching schedules, we wouldn’t have to have one for every night to keep us company!
2 Eikaiwa Teachers

Dear infection,
Those are not Japanese, those are Philippines women. Please check between leg before get between sheet!

Dear Kazuhide,
What is the Japanese soul?
– Trevor

Dear Trevor,
It is little bit challenge, but Japanese soul has been recreate by the scientist successful in laboratory condition.

Pour one full can of Asahi Super Dry into bowl, then add the one handful sakura petal, freshly fallen. Stir slowly with the ultra-secret-rare Japanese edition Yu Gi Oh card. Next, chill in cooler for 12 hour day and 6 hour unpaid overtime.

Then place bowl in middle of karaoke room for 4 hours, only sing the traditional enka song (Beatles and Carpenters still OK). Finarry, vomit the tonkotsu ramen into the bowl, and cover with Russian blonde hostess panties, and leave on floor of very crowded 6am train. And now you have the new Japanese soul!*

Dear Kazuhide,
Why do Japanese women go out with foreigners but Japanese men rarely do? My co-worker Hiro said that this was because Japanese men have a more refined sense of smell. Is this true?
– Bruce

Dear Bruce,
I berieve your friend Hiro is correct. Also, they are unnafect by the gland which secrete the special pheromone that making someone want to date ugly Japanese girl.

Dear Kazuhide,
Why do Japanese people use their futons to clean the walls of their apartment buildings? I always see crazy obasans beating the hell out of their futons against their outside dirty apartment walls.
– Rob

Dear Rob,
Actuarry, they are not cleaning. They are training their muscle for begin their domestic violence to their husband coming home late from the mahjong or hostess entertainment later this evening.

Dear Kazuhide,
Why are Japanese salarymen so fascinated with the contents of their own noses that they sit happily knuckle-deep in their sinus on the train, picking out the bogies, scrutinising them and then eating them, but then they complain if a sexy bird puts on make-up and gives fellow passengers the horn. What’s that about? A totty putting her lipstick on is sexy. An old geezer eating snot isn’t.
– Ian

Dear Ian,
You are westerner and do not understanding Japan is import the caste system when we bringing the Buddhism to Japan. Top level is grey hair oyaji, and teenage girl is the lowest. Look at Japanese company or government, oyaji is top everything. In karaoke room, oyaji is allowed to sing the most songs than anyone. And another priviledge is enjoy the nose pick. Old white man is get more respect than young Japanese girl in our system too, that is why we allow the dating of fat British ex-pat to young girls.

The reason we upset the girl put the makeup is, if girl is paying attention only her physical outside too much and reject the spiritual inside, this is upset and angering. It is NOT samurai way.

*for Okinawan soul, use Philippine hostess panty instead.

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