Ak Kazuhide

Harro Ebureeone! Atsui desu ne! We are wearing traditional yukata and proper drinking of chuhai and not make noise to disturb our neighbors. Please following the example of Japanese and have proper drinking manner, gaijin-san. Don’t to be gorilla, will you?

Kazuhide-san,
Why do Japanese people make so much slurping sound while eating ramen??? Prease exprain…
-Don

Dear Don,
This is normal I think. But more important question to asking. Why is American think sound of air coming from rectum is funny for nighttime television watching?

Dear Kazu-kun,
Why do Japanese like squeaky brakes on their bicycles? I have heard that they think that ringing a bell is impolite, but the “It can’t be helped” sound of brakes screeching is somehow acceptable. Why? Can you stop the madness?
-Johnnie

Dear Johnnie,
Let me telling you secret: Japanese brake is bery differ from America brake. Japanese brake have strong sound, like ‘semi’ [cicada] in summer time. This is musical sound to Japanese ears, but sound terrible to gaijin.

Kazuhide,
I’ve been living in Japan for a number of years. I’ve came to a conclusion about society here: there is the Right way, the Wrong way, and the Japanese way. Any thoughts as to whether or not this is true?
Regards,
– Kelly

Dear Kelly,
I am so surprise. I think maybe your spirit is Japanese. Maybe you are first gaijin to understand Japanese mind. Prease send me your picture and various body measurement.

Dear Kazuhide,
I work at a Junior High School in Japan and I have many questions, o wise one. I keep asking people but cannot get satisfactory answers. It wasn’t until my parents came out to visit me that I realized why. My Japanese girlfriend (I know your views on this!) has an aversion to the word “why”. In fact, it really gets on her nerves. All I get is “wakaranai” and mutterings under her breath about how much I p**s her off. My father was doing it in the end just to wind her up. She is not alone. I ask many people and just get a shrug of apathy. I am naturally curious and want to learn. I believe that you are different and enjoy the “whys”. Why are so many people not curious? The first of many “whys”.
-Ben

P.S. I used drive my mother nuts:
why, why, why!

Dear Ben,
I write Haiku for you. Hopefully, your western mind can understand this deepness:
Ben, do not question
‘why?’ Ben, prease going back to
f**king gaikoku!!!

Dear Kazuhide,
Why do your houses have the door frames across the bloody floor? I thought it was a hangover from the days when you had tatami mats, but then I stubbed my toe on the toilet door frame as well – and tatami in the loo? I think not.
-Pete

Dear Pete,
This is because Japanese house is used to have sliding rice paper screen door, and needing full frame. Japanese is still have the habit to make this frame.

Dear Kazuhide-san,
I’ve been in Japan a few months now and I’ve noticed that a lot of Japanese people have really messed up teeth. Why don’t more people use braces here? It’s really sad when I see an attractive Japanese girl with a shark mouth. Please enlighten me.
-Erin

Erin,
Japanese parents only wanting to waste money on children one time. Children have choice of $3000 driver license, or $3000 brace. Usually, they taking license. Also, no poison fluoride in Japanese water.

Dear Kazuhide,
Where can I find left-handed chopsticks?
-Tom10fingers

Tom,
I think about your question long time. Then I realize joke. You funny guy. Are you old man too?

Kazuhide,
I am an English man living in Japan. The first year I was here, I was astounded at the differences between our two countries, but now I feel that we have more in common than I first realized. What do you think, oh wise and venerable sage to Engerish teachers?
-James

Dear James,
Yes, we are both island countries, and both have royal family, and we both don’t like foreigner destroying our healthy inbreeding DNA bloodline. However, Japan is have much better car manufacture, food, and more attractive/obedient women. I am sorry to reminding you this. British has good soccer team, though you losing much these days.

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