87% of Gaijin “Totally Get” Japan in Less Than Two Months

A study conducted by the University of Nagoya has shown that foreigners completely understand the intricacies of an entire race and nation after less than two months of observation.

“The speed at which people from other countries become experts in our culture and heritage really is astounding,” said Professor Taishi Fujita, Head of Gaijin Studies at University of Nagoya.
“When you consider the fact that most have little-to-no grasp of the language, it’s frankly amazing that in under two months the vast majority are able to talk with great authority on a variety of cultural tropes.”

Japan as a country has long had a reputation for being difficult to acclimatize to, and its people being inscrutable. However these studies show that having an understanding of Japan takes a matter of weeks, rather than the many years previously thought.

“When I first arrived in Japan, I found everything very strange,” said Simon Poulter, a resident of Nagoya’s Chikusa ward who took part in the tests. “But I’ve been here for three months now and I like, totally get it. For example, did you know that all married Japanese have affairs, and everyone is totally cool with it? A guy in The Hub told me about it, and it must be true, ‘cos he said he had shagged like four married women.”

Australian Simone Welles, who has been teaching English in Sakae since October, also took part in the tests: “Did you know that the Japanese are totally different to us in that they appear to be friendly, but really they are all racist, and they think all white people have big noses, smell of cheese and so they won’t sit next to us on the train? Obviously I haven’t witnessed this personally, but I read about it on Gaijinpot and their writers are experts.”

American Peter Hunterson who arrived in Japan in mid-November said: “I love Japan and all the wild and crazy fashions and art, and I love the way that everything is so different. But if you want to understand the Japanese you just need to know one of their favorite sayings, ‘The nail that sticks out gets hammered the hardest.’ That’s explains everything about Japan. It’s all you need to know.”

“Their prescience of understanding is amazing,” added Professor Fujita. “Thankfully they all seem more than happy to teach us about ourselves, something for which we are obviously grateful. Their knowledge, it seems, is boundless.”

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